


Burned Away

by djhedy



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: 5+1 Things, Canon, Cute, Exy, Fluff, M/M, Panic Attack, Post-Canon, Protective Andrew, Truth or Dare, but mostly it's just fluff, foxes react to andreil, spoilers probably, what can i say it's a classic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 04:19:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18087302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/djhedy/pseuds/djhedy
Summary: Andrew and Neil don't make sense to the Foxes, so they try to figure them out.Five times Neil and Andrew don’t say it and one time they don’t have toOr: Andreil, a reaction fic in six scenes





	Burned Away

**Author's Note:**

> this is just fun reaction fluff, hope you like it! xxx

**1**

“The game’s about to start what are you doing?” Kevin called to Nicky.

            Nicky’s arms were full but he thought he could probably fit one more bottle and if he shifted he could get the gummy worms too. He approached the living room and dumped his haul onto the ground in front of the beanbags. Kevin grumbled and went for the bottle at the same time as Andrew nudged his foot pointedly at the gummy worms from his spot on the couch. Nicky handed them to him over Kevin’s rolled eyes and sat cross-legged on the ground.

            “So what are we watching?” Nicky asked, already grinning around a mouthful of gummy worms.

            “You’re kidding, it’s the first raven match of the season,” Kevin spluttered. “I’ve been reminding you every day this week.”

            “Yes, thank god, otherwise we might have missed it,” Aaron supplied from the other beanbag. He was eating popcorn nonchalantly but his eyes were glued to the screen as the Ravens were warming up and the announcers were discussing their chances.

            “Where’s Neil?” Nicky asked, looking over to Andrew. Andrew shrugged, not meeting his eyes, but got out his phone, looked at it, and put it back again.

            Nicky frowned. “Andrew?”

            Andrew looked at Nicky with a flat expression, as if he were offended by his name coming out of Nicky’s mouth. “How should I know? Maybe he’s done a runner.”

            Kevin frowned at him. “That’s not funny.”

            “I don’t know,” said Aaron, “eventually it’s got to be allowed to be funny.”

            Kevin muttered and took his attention back to the screen, sitting upright in his beanbag as Aaron squished further into his. Andrew was looking away, occasionally at the door, but mostly out the window, as Nicky pretended not to watch his cousin.

            The game started, and their attentions were divided. Nicky and Aaron cared about the Ravens losing but they didn’t live or die by it; snacks and alcohol were of equal importance. Andrew tried to make it clear he could be falling asleep with how little he cared, but Nicky could see his legs tense when the Ravens scored their first goal.

            “Booo,” Nicky roared at the screen, throwing popcorn at it. “Call that a goal LOSERS?”

            “Yes,” muttered Aaron, “that’s what they’re calling it.”

            At half time Kevin stood up and checked his phone. “It’s not right, Neil should be here – I told him, I sent him reminders today.”

            “Maybe your messages are why he’s done a runner,” suggested Nicky cheerfully. Kevin glared at him and stalked off to the kitchen. He thought they were done with the conversation but Andrew stood suddenly, patting his pockets and hesitating. Nicky was about to ask when Neil walked through the door.

            The tension that Nicky didn’t know was palpable in the room eased immediately. “Neil!” Nicky called out and spread his arms. “You’re not dead!”

            Neil tried to raise an eyebrow as he closed the door behind him, but it was clear exhaustion was making sarcasm hard. He stifled a yawn and said, “I was dead?”

            “Clearly not! We’re thrilled.”

            “ _YOU’RE MISSING THE FIRST MATCH OF THE SEASON,”_ bellowed Kevin from the kitchen.

            Neil hesitated, eyes flicking to the kitchen. He’d clearly forgotten. He managed to scowl as Kevin made his way back through, vodka in hand. “Calm down princess I’m here aren’t I?” Neil walked over to the couch and sat next to Andrew, taking a proffered gummy worm.

            “Just because Riko and Jean are no longer on the team doesn’t mean we can let our guard down this season,” said Kevin heavily, as if this was the first time he was saying it. It wasn’t.

            Neil rolled his eyes, but Nicky heard him mutter to Andrew, “How much did I miss?”

            “Fuck should I know,” Andrew replied quietly. “There appears to be some sort of break happening, what do they call that?”

            Nicky saw Neil’s mouth twitch into a small smile as Kevin and Aaron got into a debate about the Ravens’ defense line. “Half-time?”

            Andrew shrugged. “If that makes you happy.”

            “Why would it make me happy, it’s just what it’s called.”

            “I dunno, I call it dragging out what’s already a monumental waste of time.”

            “Sure but that’s a bit longer to say.”

            Nicky dragged his attention back to the screen as the game began to start again. Kevin was providing a commentary now that was twice as fast as the actual commentators and Aaron hit him on the side of the head to shut him up.

            “Fall asleep again?” Andrew’s quiet voice drew Nicky’s attention back to the couch.

            Neil hesitated before replying, “I feel like I have keyboard marks on my face.”

            “Would be hard to tell with that face.” The deadened delivery of this remark made it sound harsher than Nicky knew it was meant, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Andrew wrap his fingers around Neil’s wrist. “You need to learn to sleep in your bed like an adult.”

            “I’m getting there,” Neil said softly. “You need to learn not to freak out when I’m late home.”

            Nicky wondered if they even remembered there was a game going on.

            “Who said I was freaked out?”

            “The way you were standing when I got home, clutching your phone and cigarettes like you were either going to come after me, or throw yourself off the roof with your most treasured possessions.”

            “Why would I throw myself off the roof with my phone and cigarettes?”

            “Like when they bury people with their swords. Like Boromir.”

            “I never have any idea what the fuck you’re talking about.”

            But Neil seemed too tired to respond. He yawned again, this time not bothering to hide it, and Nicky flicked his eyes up to see Andrew roll his eyes, rubbing one hand over his face. “You’re going to be the death of me I fucking swear,” Andrew said, shifting his body so that the two boys leaned against each other, their heads resting together against the back of the couch. “Get some sleep, I’ll fill you in on the game later.” Neil’s eyes closed without hesitation as he titled his head in towards Andrew, trusting and calm.

            Nicky looked back round as Kevin and Aaron hurled insults at the screen, and tried to join in, but he couldn't help smiling.

 

\---

 

**2**

“What do you mean you think they’re _cute_?” Aaron demanded, horrified. He flicked a glance to the back of the bus where Andrew and Neil were sat, staring out of the window, voices low.

            Dan laughed but Matt merely grinned and agreed, “They’re adorable.”

            “Don’t think Andrew won’t throw you off a moving bus if he hears you say that,” muttered Aaron. “There’s nothing cute about how dysfunctional they are.”

            “Oh Aaron,” sighed Nicky, trying to wrap an arm around his cousin but getting shrugged off aggressively. “He who casts the first stone shouldn’t cast it, or something.”

            “That’s not even slightly the saying.”

            “You know what I mean – we’re all dysfunctional man, doesn’t mean we don’t deserve _love_.”

            Aaron spluttered. “They’re not – how can you – how do you know –”

            “Aaron’s gonna have an aneurysm,” said Allison, leaning forward and planting her body on the backrest between Aaron and Nicky. “How cute.”

            “You don’t think they’re in love?” asked Matt, with a knowing smile.

            Aaron was clearly fighting a losing battle. He glared out the window. “I don’t think it matters, Andrew doesn’t know how to love anything.”

            “Ouch, cousin,” said Nicky, putting one hand on his chest. “That hurts.”

            “Give them a chance,” said Dan. “Just because we don’t get it doesn’t mean it’s not real.”

            Aaron looked at her, grasping onto her words. “ _Thank you_ ,” he said, “it doesn’t make sense right? All they ever do is…” he paused, considering.

            “Stare broodily at things,” suggested Allison.

            “Or at other people, but together,” added Dan.

            “Or smoke broodily against things,” said Matt.

            Nicky grinned. “They’re adorable.”

            Aaron hit his head against the side of the window, but he risked a glance back to his brother. Andrew and Neil were staring at something on the bench between their bodies; Neil was smiling, and Andrew’s face was expressionless. But they didn’t move for a long time.

 

\---

 

**3**

Everyone knew that Neil was struggling; it was clear in the yawns he brought to practise, in the distant look in his eyes, in the fixed gaze Andrew sometimes sent him when seemingly trivial words came out of Neil’s mouth.

            But today was the first day it happened.

            They were playing a home game against Richmond, and it wasn’t friendly. Richmond and Palmetto were tied in the rankings, and every point in this match counted. Bodies were slammed into walls, Richmond received three red cards in the first half, and Jack was dragged off so that Abby could check him for a bruised rib. It was up to Neil and Kevin to carry the second half.

            Neil drank down bottle after bottle at half-time, running a bare hand across his face, and then a towel, looking too warm, warmer than the others, and his teammates pretended not to notice. Andrew merely tapped his racquet against Neil’s as they made their way back out, so everyone figured that if anything was wrong Andrew would have done something.

            Neil was dragging his feet around the court, and they all knew it. Passes were missed, Kevin’s French was becoming more impatient, and even Andrew was getting distracted, letting through enough goals to bring their score back up to a tie. At one point Andrew tried to wave Neil over, but Neil shook his head, moving into position.

            It didn’t seem to be triggered by anything. Dan passed the ball to Kevin, who made his way up to goal, expecting to see Neil to pass to, but Neil wasn’t there. Kevin kept his cool and instead ran the ball to the goal himself, dodged his mark and passed back to Allison.

            Neil screamed, “ _Stop!_ ” Kevin received the ball back from Allison, not pausing to see her turn away, and scored. When he looked round Neil was in the middle of the court, knees on the ground, head in his hands. He was screaming. “ _Stop, please, stop_ ,” he shouted, again and again. Most of the players had stood still, but Wymack and the referee were jogging over. Andrew was faster. He dropped to the ground and put one hand to the back of Neil’s neck, but Neil threw himself away from the contact and curled up on the ground. “ _Don't touch me, stop, stop, stop, please_ ,” he cried, flinching away from unknown horrors.

            Kevin pushed his way past a useless Nicky and knelt in front of Neil. Andrew was muttering under his breath, “Breathe, Neil. Open your eyes, you’re at the Foxhole court, Neil, open your eyes, Neil, you’re in the stadium, Neil Josten, breathe, you’re safe here, open your eyes, _breathe_ –” Andrew was speaking slowly and deliberately, and Neil’s panicked shouts grew quiet, and eventually he opened his eyes and locked them onto Andrew’s. Andrew didn’t stop talking until Neil was breathing deeper as Neil’s body seemed to be regaining some of its control.

            Andrew put a hand on the back of Neil’s neck, and Neil let him, closing his eyes for a second and wrapping his hand around Andrew’s forearm. Then he shifted his body, moving to stand. Andrew and Wymack helped him onto his feet and Wymack moved away to speak to the ref as Kevin watched Andrew and Neil walk to the side of the court. Wymack was begging a time-out while they worked out what to do. Kevin’s heart raced; Jack was out of commission and they didn’t have anyone else. Neil had to play.

            He locked his feet into place, not trusting himself to say the right words that would get Neil to play. Instead he looked over and watched as Neil and Andrew were talking, Neil leaning against the wall, accepting a bottle of water from Abby and glaring at her until she moved away again. Neil looked at the floor as Andrew spoke. Kevin wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Andrew speak that much. Neil closed his eyes and nodded tightly, moving forward to let his head rest briefly against Andrew’s shoulder before holding himself up again, handing the bottle back to Abby and making his way back to the the centre, Andrew by his side. Kevin unlocked his feet and strode forward, tapping his racquet against Neil’s fiercely, new determination in their eyes, as the two strikers took their places.

 

\---

 

**4**

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

            Matt held himself back. He didn’t want to eavesdrop, but he’d left his keys in the locker room, and the girls were waiting in the car. He hesitated.

            “Then don’t talk about it,” came Neil’s reply. Matt heard a locker slam shut.

            “Wymack says you’re going, Abby says you’re going, what’s the point in arguing. They won’t let you play,” Andrew said with emphasis, his voice otherwise drained of emotion.

            “I don’t see the point, I won’t talk to her.”

            “Fine, then don’t talk to her. Consider it a therapeutic hour of couch sitting, maybe you can catch up on some sleep while you’re there.”

            Matt looked behind him and back to the closed door, as if there would be anyone around to help.

            “Just because you find it helpful doesn’t mean everyone –”

            Andrew barked a short laugh, and Matt blinked in surprise. “You wouldn’t know help if it burned its way onto your face.”

            There was short silence at that. “I’m not going.”

            “So don’t go.” Matt heard approaching footsteps and panicked, throwing open the door.

            He smiled at them. “Oh hey, you guys not left yet? I forgot my keys.”

            Andrew raised an eyebrow at him and stalked past. Neil’s eyes didn’t leave the floor as he followed Andrew out.

 

If Matt had to guess he would say that the fight lasted a week. Andrew didn’t come with Neil to movie night in Dan’s room, or to the diner where they all had lunch after their next win; during coach’s pep talks Andrew sat in his usual place on the couch next to Nicky while Neil leaned sullenly against a wall. One late afternoon while Matt was trying to keep up with Nicky and Aaron during yet another video game he didn’t really understand, Neil walked through the door without saying anything and sat down heavily on the unoccupied armchair.

            Matt glanced at him. “You alright, buddy?”

            “ _Matt_ ,” said Nicky, “zombie, to your left.”

            Matt panicked and looked back to the screen, pressing some buttons experimentally. Nicky and Aaron saw the wave of zombies off and then it was back to looting, so Matt put his controller on the floor and took a sip of beer. He looked back at Neil, who had his legs over the arm and was staring at the ceiling. “Where’s Andrew?” Matt asked.

            Neil didn’t reply immediately. Eventually he said, “I don’t know Matt I’m not his fucking guardian.”

            Matt raised an eyebrow at Nicky, but decided not to push it.

            Nicky was never that sensible. “You guys still fighting?”

            Neil glared at Nicky. “Who says we’re fighting?”

            “That mood of yours,” said Aaron, still glaring at the screen, surprising everyone.

            Neil muttered and went back to staring at the ceiling.

            Nicky was explaining the controls to Matt for the third time when Andrew burst through the door. Everyone looked at him except Neil.

            “Hiding?” Andrew accused.

            Neil didn’t look at him as he replied, “I’m not _hiding_ I’m just here.”

            “Great, we’re leaving.”

            “Andrew…” started Nicky, unsure.

            Andrew ignored him. He walked into the room and stood where Neil couldn’t avoid his eyes. “We’re going,” he said.

            Neil folded his arms and stared into the armchair. If Matt didn’t know any better he’d say it looked like Neil was close to tears.

            “Andrew, come on,” Matt said, standing up. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but seeing Neil upset forced his hand. “Maybe leave him, come back later –”

            “Fuck off,” Andrew said, no real venom in his voice, almost an instinctive response. “Neil,” he said again.

            Neil flicked his eyes to Matt, and then finally looked at Andrew. “I’m not going to tell her anything,” he said, quiet, desperate.

            Matt finally understood. Neil had an appointment with Bee.

            “You’re saying that like I care what you tell her,” Andrew replied. “Get up.”

            Neil swung his legs off the arm but still didn’t stand, staring at his lap. Nicky and Aaron picked up their controllers, awkward, but Matt didn’t move in case he needed to intervene.

            “I don’t _want_ –”

            “You know what Josten I think it’s past time you get a say in this,” Andrew said conversationally, sounding light were it not for the anger Matt could see in his eyes. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but no one asked you what you want. Therapy is not for people who know they need it. You’ve had three panic attacks in the last two weeks. Coach says you’re going. Abby says you’re going. _I say you’re going._ ” At that Neil finally looked up at Andrew, and the two glared at each other for another minute. Matt twitched his fingers at his side, uncomfortable.

            Neil stood and stalked out of the room in one smooth motion. Andrew looked at Matt and gave him a sarcastic salute, following Neil out and slamming the door shut.

            Matt sighed and sat back down.

            “ _Cute_ , sure,” muttered Aaron, sarcastic, and shot a zombie in the face.

 

\---

 

**5**

“Ok ok so I bet we can get Neil to admit something about their sex life.”

            “Wait that’s way too meta first we have to bet they _have_ a sex life,” said Allison, cocktail glass in hand and smirking.

            “Of course they have!” said Dan, incensed. But then she paused, looking over at Kevin.

            Kevin rolled his eyes and glared at the floor, taking another sip of vodka.

            Matt burst out laughing and clapped a hand on his back. “Sorry mate, thin walls huh?”

            “I’m saying nothing.”

            At that Aaron and Nicky walked into the girls’ room, carrying bags of drinks between them. They were celebrating the end of a good season, not that the Foxes particularly ever needed a reason to celebrate.

            Andrew and Neil hadn’t arrived yet, so Dan continued, “Ok well I’ve already placed a bet about _that_ , so I bet you twenty bucks I can get Neil to say something about their sex life tonight.”

            Nicky grinned as he passed round drinks. “Oh great are we doing this, in that case I bet we can get _Andrew_ to say something about their sweet sweet sex.”

            “I can give you great odds on that one,” said Allison, getting the notebook out her pocket.

            Aaron rolled his eyes and sat down, grabbing the whisky. “You guys are obsessed.”

            “I bet we can get Neil to say something nice about Andrew,” Matt said, and Dan smiled fondly at him, kissing him on the cheek.

            “Renee? You want in?” asked Allison.

            Renee considered and then smiled. “I bet we can get Andrew to say something nice about Neil.”

            Allison scoffed. “I can give you _really_ great odds on that one,” she muttered, writing it all down. “The terms are – it has to be tonight, in this room, with two witnesses, and at least two people who are not betting have to agree that it was ‘nice’,” she said, using air quotes.

            “Whatever,” said Kevin, “can we start drinking now?”

            “It looks like someone already has,” Matt said, clapping him on the back encouragingly.

            At that Andrew and Neil finally arrived, and most of the Foxes had the grace to look away and pretend to be mid-way through unrelated conversation, but Nicky perked up and shot Neil a knowing look. “Late, are we?” he said, grinning. “Bet I can guess why.”

            Andrew glared at him and pointed at Neil. “Fell asleep in the shower.”

            “Really,” said Nicky, grin fading. “Bet we can guess w–”

            “I did not fall asleep,” Neil said, impatience in his voice as if he wasn’t saying it for the first time. He moved forwards to where Matt was patting the ground next to him and flopped into it. “I was just enjoying a nice long shower, free of irritations,” he muttered and Matt laughed, handing Neil a glass as Andrew sat the other side of Neil and snatched the whisky out of Matt’s hand.

            “Hmm,” said Nicky. “Well I wonder why you were tired eh I bet –” but Aaron clocked him round the head at a look from Andrew and Nicky shut up.

            It was only an hour before someone suggested _Truth or Dare_.

            Neil rolled his eyes. “We’re not teenagers,” he muttered.

            “Some of us still are,” slurred Dan, and then blinked. She frowned at Neil. “Wait, how old are you? I have no idea.”

            Allison laughed. “I bet Neil doesn’t even know.”

            Neil opened his mouth to answer, paused, and looked at Andrew. At that Nicky howled with laughter and Andrew rolled his eyes. “It depends, who are you right now?” Andrew deadpanned, and Matt snorted, clapping Neil on the back.

            “ _Anyway_ ,” Nicky interrupted, grinning. “I want to go first. Andrew…” he started, eyes flickering to him wickedly.

            “How about we ease in with someone who doesn’t carry knives?” Matt shot across him, giving him a look. Andrew and Neil sipped their whisky, almost in unison, and Matt smirked. “Neil,” he said, and Neil looked at him warily.

            “Dare,” said Neil immediately. Everyone groaned and Neil shrugged. Matt smiled, considered and then said, “Next time we go to practice you have to tell Coach you love him.”

            Dan giggled and Neil rolled his eyes. “Sure,” he said. When he realised everyone was looking at him he panicked and turned to Andrew. “Truth or dare?” he said, a smile on his lips.

            “Truth,” Andrew said, looking back at Neil.

            Neil considered and then asked, “What do you think of our chances next season?” Nicky threw a cushion at him and Neil ducked.

            “With those reflexes we’re golden,” replied Andrew. And then more seriously, “What do you think is a stupid way to ask that question. I don’t care enough to think.” He muttered something else into his glass as he took another sip of whisky. Neil smiled at him almost fond, and then poked him.

            Andrew sighed and said, quietly, “I think we’re going to win.” Kevin sat up a little straighter at that, and Andrew moved on quickly, still looking at his whisky. “Aaron, truth or dare.” The corners of his lips were twitching in a way that made Aaron frown suspiciously.

            “Truth,” Aaron replied.

            “Do you really think you’ll be able to replace her with Katelyn?”

            Aaron started getting to his feet but Nicky placed an arm across his chest and Kevin tugged him back to the floor. Neil put one hand on Andrew’s shoulder but said nothing.

            “Maybe we shouldn’t take it in turns,” suggested Renee, smiling. “Just throwing that out there.”

            “Excellent suggestion,” said Nicky, looking back at Andrew. “Andrew, tr–”

            But he was cut off again by Dan with a glare as she turned to ask Allison.

            Another hour passed and everyone was wasted enough to start throwing around inappropriate questions.

            “That’s irrelevant,” snapped Kevin.

            “No, no, it’s not,” insisted Nicky, leaning forward. “It could not be _more_ relevant Kevin. If you had to kiss a guy – _had to, like gun to your face had to,_ ” he mimed putting a gun to his own face, “who would you kiss?”

            Kevin sighed heavily and put his face in his hands. “I can’t believe…” he started, then stopped. His response was so quiet Nicky had to nudge him to get him to repeat himself. “Jean, I guess,” Kevin muttered.

            Aaron choked. "I knew it!" accused Nicky.

            "You don't even know him," said Dan, laughing.

            “You forgot to specify out of the Foxes,” Matt said, shaking his head.

            “Why, did you want it to be you?” Aaron asked.

            “That’s very sweet,” said Renee, smiling.

            “It really isn’t,” Kevin said.

            “Right, my turn,” Matt announced, and downed the end of his drink to give him courage. He looked at Neil, an evil grin on his face. So far Neil had only chosen dare, his fingers clasped steadily around his glass, an even look on his face. Now, though, he was laughing uncontrollably at the look on Kevin’s face, and he was leaning slightly into Andrew, and Andrew wasn’t pushing him away.

            “Neil, truth or dare,” Matt said.

            Neil managed through laughs, “Truth, whatever,” and took a sip of his drink.

            Nicky sucked in a breath dramatically and Dan drummed on the floor in anticipation. Matt raised his eyebrows, not wanting to waste an opportunity. “What’s your favourite thing about Andrew?”

            Neil gave him a _really?_ look but downed the end of his drink then said, “His knives.”

            Matt blinked. “This is truth or dare, Neil, you have to tell the truth.”

            Neil shrugged. “I don’t have _a_ favourite thing about Andrew, but that’s one of them,” he said simply. Andrew continued staring daggers at Matt as he took another drink. Matt looked at Allison, confused, as if to say _was that nice? Do I win?_

            Then Renee piped up, “Andrew, truth or dare?” 

            Andrew held her gaze. No one had asked him since the Katelyn debacle. “Truth,” he said.

            “What’s your favourite thing about Neil?”

            Andrew considered, then said, “The noise he makes when I –” Neil clasped a hand over his mouth and Nicky spit out his drink.

            “I think it’s time for us to go,” Neil said, standing up and dragging Andrew off the floor with one hand on his arm to the sounds of the upperclassmen’s howls of laughter.

            Once they’d gone Nicky turned to Allison. “I’m so confused, did anyone win?”

 

\---

 

**and 1 time they don’t have to**

Andrew was waiting in the car while Neil had his second session with Bee. His fingers twitched against his knee, trying to remember why on earth he’d agreed to cut back on cigarettes. He’d ask Neil to remind him if he ever came back.

            Instead Andrew breathed condensation onto the window beside him and drew patterns against the glass.

            When Neil finally climbed into the passenger seat Andrew turned to him. “Cigarettes,” he said, holding out a hand.

            Neil gave him a look. “When we get back,” he replied, and Andrew turned the key in the ignition.

            On the roof Neil handed him a single cigarette, and Andrew fought the urge to throw it off the side, instead finding himself putting it between his lips and cupping his hands against the wind as Neil lit it. Andrew breathed in deeply, sighing and closing his eyes.

            “Just remind me,” he began.

            “When we leave Palmetto I want us to play professional exy together,” Neil said, not looking at Andrew, placing the cigarettes and lighter back in his pockets. “I’d like you to be able to prove to someone that doesn’t feel sorry for you that you can play.”

            Andrew took another drag and looked across campus to the trees that hugged the skyline. “What makes you think I care what you want,” he said, but at this point it was mostly habit, the comfort of familiarity resting against his rib cage, his heart beating fast against it.

            Neil didn’t say anything, but threaded his fingers through Andrew’s.

            After another drag Andrew said, “How did it go with Bee?”

            He felt Neil’s hand tense. “Do we have to do this?”

            “No,” said Andrew, shortly. “But I didn’t ask what you talked about, I just asked how it went.”

            Neil hesitated, then said. “I… better. It went better, I think. I’m trying, anyway. It’s hard to talk, but I want to get better. I think. God I don’t know, sorry I sound like a mess.”

            Andrew looked at Neil out of the corner of his eye, watched his throat as he swallowed, looked at his shoulder as Neil scratched it nervously, felt the twitch of fingers in his. He drew his hand away from Neil’s and used it to offer the cigarette.

            Neil raised an eyebrow. “What a waste,” he said, but he took it from Andrew, holding it to his face and closing his eyes, breathing in.

            Andrew turned his body to Neil’s and placed a careful hand on Neil’s cheek, rubbing gently at the scar that used to be a _4_. Neil shuddered lightly under his touch and turned his face towards Andrew’s without opening his eyes. Andrew leaned in and brushed his lips against Neil’s, once, twice, before pausing and resting his forehead against Neil's. They stood like that until the light had burned away from the sky, until the cigarette had burned down to the filter and Andrew had taken it from Neil, flicked it off the edge of the roof, placing his hands on either side of Neil’s head, leaning back in, until the cold had burned away from their skin.


End file.
